Oh, they meet alright in odd and interesting ways when they are older and out of high school. There is usually an immediate attraction because the two are opposites...that polarization process of "opposites attract" is going on. Do they know this? No! Smart girl is now more into her looks and bad boy has had some success in life and maybe read a book or two. He married trophy bride model with no brains and realized how boring she really was out of the bedroom. Smart girl married sensitive intellectual guy and realized how boring he was in the bedroom. Divorce. Now they are looking for something different. Am I right or what?
I recently dated a guy that could be considered a "bad boy" or maybe the "player" type. What I realized was that in our youth - like high school - the bad boys probably secretly liked the smart girls and the smart girls absolutely drooled over the bad boys...but each group had their delusional mis-perceptions about each other. The bad boys didn't think the smart girls were interested in them because these boys didn't think they were smart enough. The smart girls felt too geeky looking to think a bad boy would go for them.
We all secretly want what will balance us. I didn't care for geeky smart guys. They didn't have the look I liked and they were not very confident, but that is who I usually attracted. The bad boys, on the other hand, were hot looking and exuded a confidence that was attractive. They had the confidence I lacked and I had the smarts they felt they lacked. Neither group dared take the risk of talking to the other for fear of rejection. So, we secretly longed for each other...is my thinking on this.
Now, twenty or more years later, we meet at a club, on-line, at a bar, wherever...right? He doesn't know I was the smart geek girl in school and I don't know he was a hot bad boy in his younger years. An attraction develops pretty quickly. Bad boy is intrigued with intellectual smart girl. Smart girl is intrigued with confident hottie. Why? It triggers unconscious desires and memories of our youth. What we wanted to experience at that time but never had the guts to go for.
So, smart girl falls for bad boy and his confidence. Bad boy is intellectually hooked on smart girl. He loves the deep conversations and she loves that he is even interested.
But wait! Bad boy has always attracted the hot girls with little brains. He is familiar with those show girls. Smart girl has always attracted the intellectual geek guys who cared more about her thoughts than what she looked liked. Problem. Bad boy loves her brain and is attracted to her intellect, but she is not a show girl like he is used to. Smart girl is very attracted to confident bad boy, but not used to his lack of refinement and need for a show girl. Oh brother!
Where do we go from here?
Time to grow up! This is what should have happened in our youth had we had the guts to go for it. When we are young, we are flexible and can accomodate. Had bad boy and smart girl hooked up in high school, they would have worked it out because the patterns of dating certain types would not have been so set yet. It would have been a match made in heaven. The balance would have been struck.
However, meeting later in life and trying to find that balance can be more of a challenge because we have patterns we are fighting against...unconscious patterns over many years of attracting certain types. It can get in the way of a match made in heaven. Ego and judgment take over instead of compassion, understanding, and unconditional love.
Will the two ever be as one?
Yes, it is very possible. How? Each has to accept and honor the others differences. It is the differences that are actually most attractive in this relationship. The differences are the balance.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!