The Naked Friend Thang!

Okay, so I met this guy over 8 months ago. Didn't mean to fall for him. Didn't find him all that on our first date and actually wasn't planning to go out with him again. Then he calls me and we talk and I agree to a second date. There was something about that phone conversation that made me give this guy a second chance. Now, he is a player ladies. Maybe he just knew what I wanted to hear. That is probably the naked truth...but who knows. I think it had something to do with his manly chivalrousness. I got the sense that he would take a bullet for me. He has a strong protection vibe about him that made me feel all safe and cozy. He was the first older man I have ever dated...in his early 50's which is usually out of my age range for dating...but I made an exception because he looked much younger than his age. And upon further inspection, had one hell of a nice body. He lifted weights and took care of himself. So now I don't automatically write off older men if they are healthy and fit.

He seemed into me and by the third date, I was very into him. Many reasons for that...one of which was that he was the first guy I had dated in over 15 years! Yes, ma'am ladies. I was finally getting out on the dating scene since my ex left two and a half years before. I'd not felt like even looking at men much less date one for a long time. It was a huge devastation when my husband left me for a younger and more beautiful woman...but let us not digress.

He liked me and I liked him...things were going well and then I realize that he is seeing other women and sleeping with them! It just made me sick to my stomach and I confronted him and told him that. He did tell me on our first date that he does not commit until he has known the woman for about 6 months. So I struggled through this wanting to see him but knowing that he was also dating other women as well. It was very hard. I had grown to love the guy! It really took me by surprise! My girlfriend had to point it out to me that I had fallen for him! He did feel bad about it because he knew I was a good girl and deserved a commitment from a man. So somewhere in there he cooled off our situation even though I resisted it. It did not cool off my heart desire for him.

It is now 8 months that he has known me...passed his 6 month thingy about committing...and he has put me into "friend for life" category! F that! Ugh! He is not actively dating anymore. Says he is practicing celibacy...not sure if I believe him. He probably is for the most part, but you never know with this guy. He struggles with his passion for beautiful women.

I am making him sound like such a jerk. He really isn't. That is the problem. He is actually a good man with a good heart and a spiritual man. These characteristics are hard to find in men these days. He commands my respect which is hard to do. In fact, I give him a respect I never gave my ex. He was hurt badly in his marriage and is being quite picky and slow about getting into a relationship. He is very ego driven and cares what others think and how they perceive him...so he wants a gorgeous barbie doll at his side. His first wife was a model. Apparently quite gorgeous...but I guess he didn't learn his lesson. He still wants another one. Those kind of women, for the most part, know they can have almost any man so they are very hard to please and will drop a guy in a second if he breaths wrong. Why would any guy want that? Well, I guess for the ego stroke they are willing to put up with the drama and hell of a woman like that. Whatever!

Needless to say...I am not that woman in his eyes! But he does "like" me. Actually, he tells me he "loves" me. That's sweet. Yeah, I love my friends, too. Whatever!

Yes, it stings my ego that I am not that gorgeous barbie doll to him...but if I was...I probably would not be interested in him anyway! ha!

So I go through my moments of just loving him and just hating him for rejecting me. I know he values my friendship. However, I want more than a friendship. I have been so patient and kind with this guy...giving him his space and listening to his dating fiascos and even saving his ass in one situation that could have ended quite badly for him.

And yes, he has taught me a lot about men and the areas where I need to heal and improve. In that sense, he has been a good spiritual lesson for me. He is a blessing in disguise.

My struggle is in letting go of wanting a deep, intimate and loving relationship with him. He has my heart. I have actively attempted to stop what my heart feels, but I can't. As long as I have a connection with him, he triggers my heart. And lately, I have seen and experienced new sides of him that make me fall in love over and over again.

True torture! Torture of the Heart!

I do value our friendship and enjoy my time with him...which is not that often. We do text and talk on the phone every once in a while. I do attend church with him sometimes even though it is not my religion. I enjoy sharing that spiritual time with him. We even prayed together recently which I found very moving. I had never prayed with a man before. It is these deeper qualities in him that tug at my heart on a very deep level.

A friend...a friend? I just have such a hard time accepting that. I know that I need to just release and accept. Easier said than done.

And, yes, I do continue to meet other men and date. However, he still has my heart which makes it hard for another man to come into it. I know that. So it is going to take a very amazing and special guy to break through this heart love I have for this guy. And if that special guy does come along and makes me release my love for this other guy...then he is a keeper!

I know something divine is going on here...I probably need to just move out of the way and let it happen as it may. You never know. Stranger love stories have happened.

And that's the naked truth!

Just thinking with my clothes on!

Hey kiddos!

Well...lots going through my head about many topics. Not sure what to choose.

Just thinking about the stark differences between men and women. Men's energy can be so focused. True feminine energy is not! That is why we women have a hard time concentrating on work when our personal lives are not as we want them to be. Men use their personal troubles as a reason to focus and escape into something more enjoyable. Not fair! I can't do that. If I did, I would be really into my masculine energy and that is not who I am.

Was reading some interesting articles in a women's mag I have not purcased in years! It's one of those mags all about sex and men. Fun to read but kinda materialistic and brainless. However, I did learn some things.

For instance, men love stories. That's how they bond with their male friends, through stories. It doesn't matter if they are true or not. It's a story and if you make it entertaining, that much better. I did not know this! All these years I have been talking with my now ex and recently men on dates and I didn't know this. How clueless! It makes sense. Men love any escape they can get. So telling him a great story in one of his areas of interest will keep his attention. I am finding this task a bit difficult. Women want to talk about work and people and emotions and things that matter like shopping, etc. (lol!) Anyway, the point is...I am finding it hard to find interesting stories to talk to men about. I guess it's time to hit the sports pages. That is as boring and uninteresting to me as an article on anti-aging cosmetics would be to a man.

I just need to find some cool place on line that collects interesting and weird stories. I can get into that. I think guys would also, especially if a woman is telling the story.

Anyway, I am just looking forward to seeing Sex in the City tomorrow and dancing afterwards!
I am sure I will have stories afterwards, but not the kind a man is interested in hearing.

The more I think about this idea of men and women in relationship, the more ridiculous it sounds. Were we ever meant to be truly compatible? Maybe it was just a hilarious experiment by God to entertain himself. Ha! I love God so I mean no disrespect here.

Just thinking naked!

Attracting a Man with Your Naked Energy

So you really think its the looks that get a man? Really?

Nope, it is your energy girls! Yes, that goddess energy that tells a man you are available for the taking. That energy that tells him you will surrender to him if he is the right man. Men do not care whether you have a degree or how well you cook. That comes later. Men respond instantly to the energy you put out there.

Here is a mind blower. If you date a lot and are around men a lot. They are draining this energy from you so that you are not able to attract that man you are seeking. Yes, everytime you go out on a date with a guy, it's like mini sex. You give away that energy. So, keep dating to a minimum.

I know. It sounds crazy. But really...save the energy for the real thing. He may be at the gracery store today, but your energy has been zapped and when your eyes meet, he will feel nothing!

And definitely don't casually sleep with guys all the time. That is a serious depletion of your energy.

That's the crazy naked truth!

Wait to Get Naked!

Well...my sista was having relationship issues...had to be there for her. It's hard when you love someone but they are not a good match for you. You can love someone deeply but not be compatible life partners. Yes, that is the naked truth...and a painful one.

Took her out with a male friend of mine to talk some sense into her, cheer her up, and give her some new eye candy to browse at this sports bar. She wasn't in the mood. She still loves her boyfriend.

This bonding through sex before you get to know someone....NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!

It takes time to know someone. You may never compeletly know someone but at least explore their character and whether they have addictions and other mental health issues you may not want to deal with.

Once that bond is made, it is hard to break loose of it. You know what I am talking about girls!
With men, they don't bond like us. Most men can get over a woman by finding another woman. Quick and fast - done! I know. Not fair! We women really open our hearts to a man when we decide to have a sexual relationship. That requires that we trust the man. To trust a man is asking a lot. So if you are at that stage and then find out that you are not a match...doesn't feel good...it hurts...a lot!

So...the naked truth is...don't get naked with a man until you really know the guy!
And then think whether you still want to get naked. If he is the real deal, it might be best to
save yourself for that wedding night. What a bond you will experience then!!!!

Yeah, it sounds old fashion...but actually it is quite trendy and consciously aware!

That's the naked truth!

The Naked Truth is Embarrassing!

Hey everyone!

Welcome to one of millions of new blogs out there ready to waste your time with mindless entertainment about someone's life, lack of a life, wanna be life, fictional life and so forth and so on...

I should state that this blog is different...its the naked truth of every blog, right?

And today I am writing almost naked...in just my panties. Actually about to step in the shower after a 4 mile slight jog/walk around my downtown lake in beautiful Austin, TX. I even threw in 70 lunges! Yes! Need to get this butt in shape baby!

So...what's up with the title...well...I am recently divorced and now a single mom. The point is, I have decided to just be bold and talk about my life and my adventures or lack there of...share my wisdom or lack there of...the dating scene or lack there of...and maybe some naked truths...some of which might possibly be fictional just to add excitement to your reading. The irony! I know!

Seriously, I just want to talk about men, dating and sex (or lack there of) and stuff like that. I am sure I will add more robust and meaningful topics as I evolve. Lol!

I think this blog will be quite informative to men and women a like. Being both a researcher left brain type and a creative artist type, you may find my insights interesting- or not. In either case, just enjoy what you can and take with you what serves your life - even if it is just a laugh for the day.

And yes, the naked truth is embarrassing! That is why I choose to remain anonymous at this point...too many people know me and might judge my thoughts, actions, and behaviors in a negative light. And I am also in the field of education so...nuff said!

I think I have just given away too much personal info...if you think you know me...you don't! So move on.

So...yes, I do feel naked writing about my life. I am a private person so this is a big step for me. Now, it is possible no one will ever read this blog and in that case, I have nothing to worry about. However, then what is the purpose of even wasting my time sharing?

And to my friends and family: You will probably be mentioned in some form or fashion so get over it...I won't use your full name unless you upset me and then...well...what can I say...you deserved it! Lol!

I may change names to protect the guilty...or not. Just depends on my mood. And if you think you know these people, you don't! So move on.

Let me share a naked truth for your entertainment. I went hip hop dancing this weekend! I am not a club type and never have been. Now let me set this up. I am not in my 20's or 30's. I am older and a mom for godsake! That aside...I decided to go celebrate a younger friend's b-day at this club that I had never been to. Why not? I deserve to have fun, too! I could not find anyone to go with me...typical of a recently divorced older mom! So I went solo...a big step for me!

This was a huge dance hall with 6 floors of different types of dance themes like 80's, country, hip hop and so forth and so on...I arrive first before my friends and just wandered around texting them where I was and where I should meet them.

I walk into the hip hop room...dear god...there are dance cages and poles and video screens and a long bar you can dance on if you wish! And there were very large women (and skinny pole girls, too) up on these "stages" doing their thang and shaking body parts I didn't know could move! Wow! Have I been in a marriage cave or what! I have not been on the singles scene in over 15 years and I never remember going to clubs like this. I am sure they existed, I was just not one for the club scene as I shared earlier. I was more the geek type spending time doing more wholesome things with my time like studying and reading and researching...I was the academic type...college and grad school.

Anyway, my friends arrive all decked out in their hippety hoppety clothes. I have to say I did think through what I would wear. I couldn't go all clothed like a mommy type...so I wore an off the shoulder black number with dangling strings, some cool nicker jeans with holes in them (on purpose) and some very high heels and fashionably loud jewelry...so I think I fit in with the dance crowd. My friends thought I looked hot so I passed that litmus test. Whew!

Back to the action on the dance floor, on the poles, and in the cages...yep! I was so impressed with these really large women that could move and dance like "professionals" and were so not shy about their bodies. I am not a skinny mini...more like the JLo type with more junk in my trunk than I care to have...however, you could not pay me enough to get up there and show it like these women. Okay, maybe after some "professional" dance classes and 3 sizes smaller - I might think about it with the right guy or some girlfriends...but not this night...no way!

My younger girlfriend was an amazing dancer. She could shake it like no other and she had a body to show off to boot. So more power to her on her b-day! She jumped on that bar and did a serious dance number for her boyfriend...lucky boy he is!

I am not a drinker so let's move on passed the bar scene.

I am standing there with another woman a bit older than me, but very attractive. She was also a friend of my younger friend. I had heard about her, but this was my first time meeting her. She was also divorced with three older children. We were both amazed at how not shy some of these large women were to be dancing like that on these stages. We both agreed we were acting too shy and needed to break out of our self-imposed cages. So we danced.

Here is where my exciting "naked truth is embarrassing" part starts...some guy comes up to me and asks me to dance. I say yes. He's African American. This is important because I have never danced with much less dated someone from this ethnic background. It was a novel experience for me. I have no racial prejudice against black people. My bestest friend in the world and my maid of honor at my wedding is from this ethnic background. I have gone to school with and been friends with and worked with black people for many years....just never danced with one! I know this sounds so unpolitically correct...not sure how else to write this except as the naked and embarrassing truth! So he asked me as we are dancing if I have ever "been" with a "brother" or dated one. I paused and said, "let me think". He laughed and said, "if you have to think, then you probably haven't." So he must have picked up that this was a novel experience for me. In fact the whole hip hop thing was a novel experience for me!

Anyway...this guy could dance! And if I have a good lead, I can dance to0! I pick up quickly ya know. So we just started bumping and grinding (I think that is what it's called - lol!) and getting down on the dance floor. I was having a blast! An embarrassing blast, but it's the naked truth! Then he took me off the dance floor all hot and sweaty and we kept dancing and "stuff" - hard to share the naked truth now without blushing...nothing illegal...just touchy feely...kissing...and so forth and so on.

Yeah, he is all into me...telling me how passionate I am and how he likes the way I move and how hot looking I am and so forth and so on. Of course, it feeds my little puny divorced ego a bit to know that I "still got it" after my ex left me for a gorgeous model!

And I know some of you are thinking..."he's just a player and telling you what you want to hear." I know! I ain't dumb. Naked lies have their place! He could lie to me all night...I was just enjoying the attention. My reasonable self was in control - remember, I don't drink.

As we are messing around, I see my new friend (the older woman) dancing in a cage with this young 20 something! So then I didn't feel so embarrassed anymore. More "cougar" power to her! Lol! And if you don't know what a "cougar" is, it is a woman over 40 who likes/dates younger men/boys. The guy I was dancing with was about my age. No cougar here...at least not yet!

As I am talking with this guy, my closest friend finally shows up. I introduce them and he asks for my number and then has to leave. I give it to him not caring whether he calls or not. He was nice enough, but I know that was just a moment we had and that's probably all.

My girlfriend and I then move to the country dance floor. And within minutes some older guy in a black cowboy hat asks me to dance. I told him that I hoped he was a strong lead because I had not danced country in about 17 years! He was. He had me spinning on the dance floor in no time. (I told you I pick up quickly). He was a nice man but had god awful teeth...some missing! Lord in heaven! But again, I was there to dance and enjoy myself...not pick up a guy.

Went back to the table where my girlfriend was and she was talking to some young boy in his 20's. Now this girlfriend is a cougar. She has no problem catching younger men. She looks young for her age. However, at the moment she is actually in a relationship with a guy who is only a few years younger than her. She was just having a simple conversation with the boy...and he was enjoying leaning over looking down her blouse as she spoke to him in his ear (the music was loud ya know).

Then the lights went on and time for the club to close...2am! I couldn't believe time had passed so quickly. There was cowboy following me around. He gave me his card with his number. (Not sure what I did with it). Said he'd like to take me to dinner and dancing when he is back in town. I'm not so sure about that. His teeth! I have some standards and having teeth is one of them!

That is the naked truth!