It's Been A While: A Long Story with a Point

Hello fellow followers and those who just stop by out of curiosity!

Yes, I have been away a while.  Time to begin again...in many ways.

I got engaged on New Year's Eve 2010...right before 2011.  That ended quickly...like in February 2011.
Ha!  He was my high school first puppy love guy.  He found me on Facebook - the place to find anyone who is no one - after 20 something years!  He was living just a few miles from me in a town further north.  He had been there for about 4 years unbeknownst to me.  It will be one year this October 2011 since I was "found."

We grew up in the same home town and graduated high school together.  He apparently had fallen in love with me in Junior High - or Middle School - as they call it now...I just dated myself....anyway....back to the story.  Okay, so he left for the military right after graduation.  By that time, I had already dumped him for the superintendent's son.  That really hurt him and broke his heart.  He then became very vengeful and did some really mean things to me for dumping him.  However, on graduation night I forgave him.  We parted ways.  

He fought in Dessert Storm..(dating myself again)...and even sent me a little vial with desert sand....sweet.  We wrote on and off over the years.  He continued in the military (infantry) for 20 years...fought in all the major wars you can name and then some.  I kinda had a feeling he still had a flame for me.  I married, he married twice and divorced twice, had a child, then I had a child and divorced.  Did you follow?  And then we met after all these years...He was looking good for his age...most men really go down hill after age 40.  He was lifting weights and taking relatively good care of himself...the smoking and drinking didn't help - but oh well...he had muscles!  That balances out the other bad habits....kinda.  Okay, his big chest and arms were enjoyable to look at.  And he was bald...had shaved his head. I liked it.  Made him look younger.  I kinda like bald on some men. I think it is really sexy.  Blame it on Captain Picard of the USS Enterprise!

Well, karma was just lingering around us ready to kick our asses the first chance it got.  I kept hearing in my head to leave the past in the past.  Against my better judgement, I agreed to date him.  Oh boy!  Yes, we did have our upbringing in common, but that is where we part ways.  Twenty something years living different lives made us very different people.  He was a good man and he had such a big and generous heart.  I convinced him to buy his dream car - a Dodge Challenger - nice muscle car - black. He took me to Vegas in it for Christmas.  Great road trip!  Lots of great memories on Route 66. He just spoiled me in many ways.  I loved it.  I had not had a man spoil me ever - actually.  I needed that.  He was actually the first person I decided to get into a relationship with since my divorce a few years back.  I thought, why not, I know him and it felt easy and safe to me.

Twenty years front line infantry in the military does things to you.  He was quite ridgid and a serious control freak.  He had very set ideas about everything so discussions became quite one-sided.  Me being the flowing metaphysical type intrigued him but seriously confused him.  I began the habit of rolling my eyes constantly around him.  It was ridiculous.  All my friends saw the tension.  I was giving in constantly to him because I believe being happy is better than being right.  He actually told me that he is happy being right!

Now, you are probably thinking, what a miserable relationship.  Actually, it was quite fun in the beginning.  His heart was wide open for me.  I had never felt so loved and adored.  It was incredible!  So I put up with his ridgidity because he made up for it in other ways.  What an amazing lover!  Not because  he was technically savvy, but because he really loved me.  I was so able to trust him and be so open with him.  And, he was a real guy in bed!  He took control and ravished me like a wild animal.  Yay!  I loved being taken like that by a guy that really loved me.  It was intense and passionate and quite memorable.

So, all this to state the "naked truth."  And that is, you may not always be marriage compatible with your partner, but if you can deeply trust him/her and he/she deeply and openly loves you - the sex can be amazing!

And that's the "naked truth!"

Relationship Blahs!

Okay...so we all hit those relationship blahs where things aren't as fresh and new as before...the other person starts becoming irritating so you begin to wonder if he/she is the right fit for you.  I hate that!  Confusion is not my best friend.  What do you do?  I want to hear from any of you out there.  What have you done?  And I want the "naked truth" so no fudging!

Hope I hear from anyone, someone...crickets chirping...?

Physical Attraction

Yes, eye candy is nice.  It's like looking at a beautiful sunset or a majestic mountain or a mesmerizing waterfall.  About 1% of the population (statistical fact) is born with a physically "perfect" body.  I am one of the normal ones in the 99% group.  Glad I am not one of the freaks in the 1% group!  lol! 

We are wired to be attracted to beauty.  Fact.  So when we see it, we take pause, gawk, etc.  However, we have been programmed by the media and mags and friends to believe that beauty is narrowly defined.  There is beauty in everything.  You just have to look for it sometimes.

I like nice looking men just like any woman.  I like a man with a nice body just like any woman.  Would I be so shallow as to blow him off if his body wasn't perfect or his face wasn't exactly the type I like?  It depends.  I have to find something about the guy that physically attracts me...his eyes, smile, arms, hands, voice, ass...and then his intellect, his mannerisms, the way he thinks, his kindness.  I like a nice combo of physical attraction with other personal characteristics.

I went out with a guy who was serious eye candy and he thought I was hot, too.  We were physically attracted to each other.  The sad thing was...nothing in common!  We had little to talk about.  It was kinda empty.  I can't date empty men who are just physically attractive and nothing else.  Doesn't work for me.

Now, I believe a man can do that.  Men don't like to talk much anyway.  They just like to gawk at beauty and then fuck it.  That sounds crude!  Not all men are like that, I know.  But it makes my point.  Physical attractiveness is SO important to a man.  They are very visually wired. 

For a woman, other things can be attractive about the guy - like how successful he is and how he wines and dines her can make him very attractive to a woman even though he may look as ugly as a dog.  Look at Bill Gates and Donald Trump - ugly men!  I don't think enough money could make me go out with men that ugly.  I would walk away from money for physical attractiveness....I think.

What is more shallow - money or physically attractiveness?  Actually, shallowness depends on you.  If you are a shallow person and make decisions based on surface matters...well, that's shallow.  However, if you are a person of depth and make your decisions based on truly important  reasons...then it is not shallow to want someone with money or who is physically attractive.  Examine your reasons.  Do your reasons have depth and importance?  If so, go for it.

And that's the "naked" truth!

Slow Seduction

There is an art to seduction that I am learning through trial and error...mostly error.  It is not about the end result, but the process that is key to acquiring your end result...whatever that might be.  Seduction requires incredible amounts of patience...a quality I have poorly lacked in the past.  Maybe that is why these lessons in seduction are so painful.  I am having to learn patience!  Dang it!

I am the type that tends to want it now.  In the last couple of years, I have received many lessons in patience.  Because of these lessons, I am a more patient person - in general.  However, I still have a ways to go when it comes to patience in romance and specifically seduction.

My head is clogged with a head cold at the moment so I am not thinking clearly...in fact, I am thinking quite slowly.  Hmmm....could this be a key to slow seduction...thinking slowly?

Okay girls...most of you have been there.  You meet a guy you really like.  You want him damnit!  But you blow it because you move too fast, give in too early, act too desperate, call too many times...blah, blah, blah.  By the way, men do the same thing sometimes - if they really like the woman.  They just can't contain their need and want and excitement for her.  All are guilty. 

Patience is the answer...simple patience...waiting with a calm expectation that all will turn out as you wish.  Easier said than done.  We want to control the situation to speed it up a bit.  Well, that just messes everything up.  It really does.

Slow and steady, as the say, will get you where you want to go.

And that's the "naked" truth!

Self Love

Okay, girls and boys...there is the pleasurable self love that you can do alone with yourself...and that is all fine and good.  Enjoy!  However, that is not what I am going to talk about today.  Aww!  I know.  We will address this topic another day. 

Loving self is probably the most difficult life challenge for most of humanity.  We have been taught to believe that we come into the world as sinners, as wild beasts, as untamed spirits.  Even our parents and caregivers sent us messages either directly or indirectly that we were not good enough, not smart enough, lazy, stupid, inferior, not deserving, and worthless.  Lies!  All a bunch of lies and illusions and delusions!  Unfortunately, those beliefs were programmed into us at a young age.  Even if we don't believe these lies consciously, we do resonate with these beliefs on an unconscious level.

We were created perfect and in the image of our Creator.  Something cannot be created in the image of perfection and not be perfect!  However, most of us do not truly believe we are perfect and made from pure love on an unconscious level.  This is the most important level to believe something.  If truth does not resonate at the unconscious level, it does not matter what you believe consciously.  You vibrate at the frequency of your unconscious beliefs.  That is what runs your life.

You have all heard this before that you cannot love and accept another person as they are until you completely love and accept yourself as you are.  This is where lots of the drama in relationships begin.  One or both partners cannot accept and love something in the other.  Arguments, blaming, ugly comments, distancing, making excuses to avoid intimacy, and so forth begin to riddle the relationship.  In relationships, we are just looking into the mirror of self.  What we see reflected back to us is who we believe we are.  If you don't like what is being reflected back, it is your responsibility to change.

Disrespecting or running away from someone you love because of your own issues with self love and acceptance in no way assists you in your spiritual growth.  You will just have to repeat the process with someone else until you learn the lesson of self love and acceptance.  That's no fun!  Plus, you may have just walked away from the love of your life.  How sad is that!

So, in addition to playing with yourself for pleasure, spend some time really examining the early messages you were sent in your youth  Are these unconscious beliefs getting in the way of a special relationship?  Are you always attracting partners who can't love and accept you for who you are?  This is about you...not them.  What in you do you not love and accept?  It will only be reflected back to you in intimate relationships.

And that's the naked truth!

The Man Craving...

I hate it when that happens!  You know girls...you can just taste him.  You are so hungry for a guy...any guy...well, almost.  For me, it's like this craving to just kiss and kiss and eat him up!  Lol!  It does feel like a food craving.  You want to be filled.  Well, that's the feminine sexual essence for you.  She needs to be filled and fed with life and love and sensuality and a man's depth and his...(edit).

Very symbolic.

Everything about a woman and a man's body is symbolic of how we exist in the world.  A man is "out there" and experiences the world from the outside.  A woman is internal in her nature and experiences the world from within.  The world enters her.  For a man, he must enter the world.  All of nature is feminine.  A guy who craves being out in nature all the time or golfing is really craving that feminine energy in his life.  Women who are very directional and business oriented all the time are using their work as a male sexual substitute. We use sexual substitutes all the time.  Women use food as a sexual substitute to be filled.  Our pets and our children can become our sexual substitutes...not in a perverted way...but as a way to fill that deepest part of our yearning for love from a depth that only someone of the opposite sexual polarity can give you.

Careful with sexual substitutes.  They drain your sexual energy so that you have none to give when the right man or woman comes along.  For example, a man can use attractive "female friends" as a sexual substitute when he is in between relationships or not wanting a committed relationship.  He will just drain away that sexual energy so that you have none left for a guy who really does want what you want.  We women unknowingly do this to ourselves when we spend lots of time with male friends.

The masculine cannot live without our energy.  They crave us way more than we crave them.  We crave a man's depth and direction.  We want a man who is not afraid of our ocean of emotion.  We want a man that can shift our bad mood with humor and deep love...passionate love.  We hate it when we are in a bad mood and the man runs and escapes into his man cave, tinkers in the garage or goes and plays golf or some other avoidance mechanism!  WE HATE THAT!  Why?  Because he is afraid of our goddess power.  In our hearts and minds he is being a wimp!  And that angers the goddess within us.  We need a man who will stand up to our emotions and power and not wimp out on us.  We can't trust a man who runs.  When we can intimidate a man with our moods we cease to trust him.  He is not a strong man in our eyes.  The feminine needs the strong masculine to keep her contained.  She is the ocean.  He is the boat on the ocean.  She can swallow him whole in a second! 

That's why, girls, we just lose it for confident and cocky types.  Those guys aren't afraid of us.  If they are, they don't show it.  A good man, though, is confident around a strong woman because he respects her power and knows how to handle her moods with confidence   We CRAVE that confidence in a man!  Men like that... love like that and we crave that kind of loving...don't we girls?  Confident lovers are a very sexy turn on for the feminine goddess.  Yum!

And that's the naked truth!

Bad Boys and Smart Girls

Bad boys and smart girls...never the twain shall meet? 

Oh, they meet alright in odd and interesting ways when they are older and out of high school.  There is usually an immediate attraction because the two are opposites...that polarization process of "opposites attract" is going on.  Do they know this?  No!  Smart girl is now more into her looks and bad boy has had some success in life and maybe read a book or two.  He married trophy bride model with no brains and realized how boring she really was out of the bedroom.  Smart girl married sensitive intellectual guy and realized how boring he was in the bedroom.  Divorce.  Now they are looking for something different.  Am I right or what?

Going through school I was a "geek" girl...the smart one who always sat at the front of the class and made good grades and studied every night...really!  I loved school.  I loved learning.  I loved cute boys, but they seemed to have no interest in me....or so I thought.

I recently dated a guy that could be considered a "bad boy" or maybe the "player" type.  What I realized was that in our youth - like high school - the bad boys probably secretly liked the smart girls and the smart girls absolutely drooled over the bad boys...but each group had their delusional mis-perceptions about each other.  The bad boys didn't think the smart girls were interested in them because these boys didn't think they were smart enough.  The smart girls felt too geeky looking to think a bad boy would go for them.

We all secretly want what will balance us.  I didn't care for geeky smart guys.  They didn't have the look I liked and they were not very confident, but that is who I usually attracted.  The bad boys, on the other hand, were hot looking and exuded a confidence that was attractive.  They had the confidence I lacked and I had the smarts they felt they lacked.  Neither group dared take the risk of talking to the other for fear of rejection.  So, we secretly longed for each other...is my thinking on this.

Now, twenty or more years later, we meet at a club, on-line, at a bar, wherever...right?  He doesn't know I was the smart geek girl in school and I don't know he was a hot bad boy in his younger years.  An attraction develops pretty quickly.  Bad boy is intrigued with intellectual smart girl.  Smart girl is intrigued with confident hottie.  Why?  It triggers unconscious desires and memories of our youth.  What we wanted to experience at that time but never had the guts to go for.

So, smart girl falls for bad boy and his confidence.  Bad boy is intellectually hooked on smart girl.  He loves the deep conversations and she loves that he is even interested.

But wait!  Bad boy has always attracted the hot girls with little brains. He is familiar with those show girls.  Smart girl has always attracted the intellectual geek guys who cared more about her thoughts than what she looked liked.  Problem.  Bad boy loves her brain and is attracted to her intellect, but she is not a show girl like he is used to.  Smart girl is very attracted to confident bad boy, but not used to his lack of refinement and need for a show girl.  Oh brother!

Where do we go from here?

Time to grow up!  This is what should have happened in our youth had we had the guts to go for it.  When we are young, we are flexible and can accomodate.  Had bad boy and smart girl hooked up in high school, they would have worked it out because the patterns of dating certain types would not have been so set yet.  It would have been a match made in heaven.  The balance would have been struck.

However, meeting later in life and trying to find that balance can be more of a challenge because we have patterns we are fighting against...unconscious patterns over many years of attracting certain types.  It can get in the way of a match made in heaven.  Ego and judgment take over instead of compassion, understanding, and unconditional love.

Will the two ever be as one?

Yes, it is very possible.  How?  Each has to accept and honor the others differences.  It is the differences that are actually most attractive in this relationship.  The differences are the balance.

And that is the "naked" truth!

Married But Separated...I Don't Think So!

Lately I have been meeting men on-line or in clubs who first say they are divorced but on closer interrogation, they are married but separated...or so they say!  What's that about?  You are either married or you are not.  Period.  This in between thinking about divorce does not count!  It's like these men are testing the waters to see if there is an excuse to get divorced.  And I don't want to be their excuse and I have made that very clear in two particular instances.  In fact, I have just told them to call me back when the divorce is final.  Done.  I don't play those games.  Not fair to the other woman...my sister in spirit.

This happened to me.  My husband at the time was married (to me) when he met his now girlfriend...who he moved in with while still married to me.  Granted our marriage was on the rocks, but that was no excuse.  He was married.  Clearly that was of no importance to him or his girlfriend.  I am sure he told her the same story...almost divorced...that was a lie.  We had just separated for healing purposes to save the marriage.  I guess he already had something else in mind.  She was his excuse to actually divorce.  Not good girls!  Don't get involved in a married couples struggles by being the excuse for him to leave his wife.  It will come back to bite you in the ass one day...like you may be the next victim.

So, just don't do it.  Make it clear to the guy that you do not date low lifes like that.  If it is meant to be, he will find you after his divorce.  In this way your potential relationship is free and clear of negative karma.

And that's the "naked" truth!